Life, I'm learning.
Iv been on an antidepressant for about three months, it's doing wounderful things, I notice the difference dramatically. I wasn't sure how long exactly I was depressed but in Nov08 I had a terribly rough breakup with this guy who I had a crush on for several years but we were never single at the same time. The breakup shoved me into depression and never got better. Okay enough Ex talk, he was just brought up to explain a bit, before the breakup I probably would of benefitted from an antidepressant. My life has had alot of mostly family oriented issues...which has caused me a fair share of issues.
R.... Oh R.
We've been getting alot closer since I took him out of the SD catagory and into the BF catagory. I fell inlove with him lastnight, and he probably knows I fallen. He is a very smart man, i fessed up to knowing his real age because I told his assistant I knew his real age and later she called and voiced that she really thought I should let him know I know, I wasn't because we both agreed he might flip. But I did, having told him... Feels Lot better, that lie had placed a wall around me for various reasons. He didn't flip, he took it like... Well like R.
In bed later... Was when I fell for him. He held me close, talked about alot, about alot. I don't like to cry infront of people... But the convo broke me out into tears... He held me close the whole time... he kissed my forehead... He's the most supportive person iv ever known. He understands psychology very well too.
He isn't a big fan of kissing, so we don't kiss as much as I'd like.. I love to kiss and makeout... Even tho I was all sniffly from crying I grabbed him for a kiss, and more and more which lead to sex which was also very rewarding. I never call sex "making love" but I'd say this was. I'm probably going to make another blog for my life... Where I'll blab about R.
I refuse to say " I love you" first.... Partly because I'm not sure I can "love" him till I know he feels it for me.... And because it's only been like 3 months that iv known him.... But I have some strong emotions for him, grows each day.
He makes me laugh he makes me smile. He makes me tear up. He makes me scream in ecstacy.
He is also very attractive, looks great for 47. I look forward to him loosing the weight he's gained from his accident, he's just going to be that much more attractive.
-Chrissy
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I know what you mean by "family issues". I've had a very rough childhood and it's been so hard to deal with all my traumatizing memories. I'm still not even nearly over them but I have gone through a remarkable change when I encouraged myself to tell about those experiences to my friends. One of the reasons why I'm so attached to Dreamguy is because he knows basically everything and he's been so good to me and understanding about it.
ReplyDeleteI think you are so brave to tell about this on your blog since I feel like most of the stuff we tend to write here is pretty superficial and don't let us show us as real human beings. I'm so glad you've found someone you can talk to and who can help you to deal with your past.
I hope you and dream guy, get a dream situation!! Its scary to like R this much because i worry that at any moment hell end it, i don't want to get hurt.
ReplyDeleteI think your brave to tell your friends about your experiences, i don't let a lot of people know.
Ahh I feel like some kinda comment monster...anyway just wanted to say that I hope that you can find a way to open up more to your friends. I've realized that because I've kept so much painful stuff inside of me I haven't been able to properly bond with other people. Now I've made a few really good friends and for the first time in my life I feel like I'm me. I'm finally free of all that bullshit I was hiding all my life. The most ridiculous thing is that I used to feel so ashamed about my past but now I realize that it's wrong. Once you manage to fully open up to one person it get easier everytime...finally you will feel so okay with it that you won't even cry. At least not everytime. :)
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